Polygamy and Mozambican Ideas of Marriage.

About one month ago I asked Julia how many siblings she has.  “51” she said.  I thought there had to be some error in communication.  Either I didn't say it right, or there was some misunderstanding, so I asked again.  Again 51.  But this time she explained that her father is Mr. Xibahalani, a wealthy man in the area who had 8 wives, and her mother used to be one of them but left him some time ago.

There it is again I thought: polygamy.   Having studied anthropology I am compelled to write this blog, and must explain that polygamy is when someone has more than one spouse.  Polygyny occurs when a man is married to more than one wife at the same time and this is usually implied with the term “polygamy”.  However, polygamy also includes polyandry: a woman having more than one husband.  But polyandrous societies are extremely rare and polygynous societies are far more common, thus the term “polygamy” connotes polygyny and I will be using it in that way.

  The more I ask people about their families, the more I hear about polygamy.  Although most people are not polygamists, it is still fairly common, especially among the generation preceding my own.  I don’t know of any polygamists that are close to my age; usually one of my friends will inform me that their father has a few wives.   The first person I met whose father had more than one wife was a single Muslim guy who explained that this generation is more hesitant be polygamous and sexually active in general because of AIDS.  His view of marriage focused on political ties and social status.  He explained that marriage could be beneficial for business, networking, and establishing alliances with people that help you at the end of the day.  None of this American “chick flick mentality” of loving you makes my life complete.

Later, I learned that our next door neighbor’s daughter was the second wife of a lodge owner.  His first wife has her own house somewhere in town, and his second lives in Ngalumwe, a few miles outside of town.  Unlike TLC’s Sister Wives, where all the wives live in the same house, most polygamists here provide a house for each wife.  Clearly to have more than one wife, you need to be well off.  Therefore, having more than one wife is a big indicator of wealth and social status.  Similarly, having a large number of children also indicates prosperity.  Unlike the West, wealth is measured in family size.  Having many children is considered a blessing and an advantage instead of a financial concern.  I will sooner see pigs fly than hear a Mozambican say I can’t afford to have another child. 

Because polygamy is a historical and traditional custom, it has an effect on monogamous marriages as well.   For instance another friend told me about his family; explaining how his dad has been married 5 times; apparently he’d spend a few years with a wife, have some kids and move on to the next wife.   Although technically he’s not a polygamist, because he’s only had one wife at a time, having multiple brothers from other mothers resembles a polygamous rather than monogamous family structure.  Being married 5 times, or leaving your wife for another woman, or having an affair, are more socially acceptable in Mozambique than in the States because of polygamy.  The idea of one man being with one woman long term is not engrained into culture and society to the same extent that it is in the West.  Of course these things happen in the States, but socially it’s a greater offense than it is in Mozambique.

The whole concept of family is far more community oriented as opposed to the nuclear (mom, dad, and kids) family of the USA. It’s more common to find extended family living together, whether grandparents, cousins, nieces, nephews, etc.  For instance, the Mozambican family I am currently living with consists of the mother and father who are in their 40s, their three children, the oldest son is married and has 2 year old, so his wife and son are also part of the household.  Additionally the daughter-in-law’s cousin lives here to help here with taking care of the young child, there is another cousin on the father’s side, and the father’s sister is living here as well. 

When it comes to household chores women are the ones who cook, clean, wash clothes, take care of children and keep the house in order.  To cook and wash clothes typically takes substantially more effort than it does in the States because here you usually cook over a fire and wash clothes by hand.  No microwavable meals or something you just pop into the oven.  No food processor to grind food. No cheap eating out alternatives.  No washing machine or dryer.  Just try to imagine your life like that.  A lot of people don’t have electricity and/or running water either.